I had a miscarriage last Thursday. The pregnancy felt a lot like the pregnancy three years ago that ended in miscarriage, so it wasn’t a shock like last time. But still, it’s sad. Today I made a big effort to be grateful for all the good things in my life, instead of worrying about the fact that I’ve been pregnant three times and only have one child. And I found out that there are lots and lots of things that make me really happy. You want to know what they are, right?
- My husband is hilarious. He can always make me laugh. I can’t remember any particular moment, but I know that I laugh a lot and I have Nathaniel to thank for most of those moments.
- My daughter is also very good at making me laugh. I can’t tell you how awesome it is to sit in the front seat of the car and hear your child ask you to give her a “foot snuggle.” Or to hear her sing “I Am a Child of God” at the top of her lungs.
- I'm in a great ward. We had an activity this past week and it was so fun. We watched home videos that people submitted. My favorites were the 1st counselor’s video of himself and some friends lighting things on fire and the Elder’s Quorum President's slow-motion video of him attempting (and failing) to jump over a trash can. Well, then there was the 2nd Counselor’s video of him, in full missionary attire, trying to ride a bike over a jump and failing grandly. And then the sister missionary singing an entire song with a helium balloon voice. Yeah, there was some good stuff. We have a great ward. You should move in. :)
- Hydrocodone and Dilaudid are evidence that God loves His children. Sure, drugs make me a bit loopy, but how awesome is it when pain just goes away?
- My mom came out and hung out with Summer while I was on bed rest. I don’t know what I would have done without her. Summer loves her grandma so much. It’s really sweet.
- I am grateful I have the abilities that I have, and I’m excited to use them more.
- Book clubs through Facebook messages are brilliant. I have loved it so much. Facebook me if you want to do one. They’re really exciting, unless you don’t like read a bunch of my opinions.
- People have been so nice. I really appreciate it when I’ve been asked how I’m doing. I have felt a lot of love.
This list could go on, but not without getting really cheesy and possibly nearing Charlie Sheen levels of enthusiasm.
Life is really great. I’ve read a couple of reviews of The Book of Mormon – the musical, and one song in the musical really intrigues me. I think it’s called “Unfeel” or something (I just looked it up and it's called "Turn It Off," which is a much better title) and, from what I understand, it’s about Mormons’ uncanny ability to not feel bad emotions. I don’t think I have this ability, but from what I know of my culture I understand why people would think that of Mormons. Of course, it’s important to deal with negative emotions. Anyone who reads this blog knows that I don’t shy away from experiencing them. But it’s also okay to choose to look for the good in life and focus on that. Maybe someday I’ll have something more profound to say about the difference between “unfeeling” and optimism, but I’m still a bit drugged up and can't quite think. Not that I’m complaining.