Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Cheesy post

On Sunday, Nathaniel and I drove to Farmington twice (yep, twice). On the way there and back, we listened to some talks by Elder Maxwell. They were amazing, naturally. In one of them, he said something about not wasting effort criticizing, or something like that. There were lots of really great things that he said, all of which I planned on implementing in my life, but most of them I messed up on Monday. Oh, well, I'm going to keep trying.

But I did do this: I am occasionally guilty of thinking bad things about people. I never used to do that and I really think it drags life down. So I decided that every time I thought something bad about someone, I had to think of five things that were good about them. I remember reading about doing that with a spouse in an Ensign article. I decided to store that trick away for a time when my inward complaints about my spouse were something more than, "Dang, he's putting his shirt back on," and "Why is he going to school when he could just skip it and hang out with me?" Yes, I am a very mature person.

When I got to school on Monday, I saw a girl and the first thought I had was something like, "annoying." Dang, now I had to think of five good things about her. I didn't want to. But I did anyway, and it wasn't hard. It made me feel guilty. She is super nice, she's smart, she has a cute haircut, and she works hard...and she's super nice! Okay, that's only four, but I don't really know her that well.

It was so interesting: when I saw her again later that day, my thoughts about her were positive. I wondered why I thought before that she was annoying.

I hope this doesn't sound too much like a sacrament meeting talk, but I think this is a really powerful principle. Maybe this is part of what the apostles mean when they say the Gospel of Jesus Christ will change the world. Imagine how the world would be if everybody thought positively about everybody else. Of course, you have to judge - the world is not all butterflies and chocolate covered cherries - but if we could just criticize what people do, with compassion and understanding, and not people themselves, the world would be awesome.


Wednesday, January 21, 2009

About having a little one on the way

I am currently 23 weeks pregnant. I have a little girl growing inside me. When I was fourteen, I visited the home of my cousin, Jana. Jana is one of the coolest people on earth, and is also about fifteen years my senior. When I visited, she had three children ranging from about eight to four years. During my stay, I got my period. Not for the first time, but it was still new enough that I had not been introduced to the miracle that is the Advil gelcap. I was miserable and I whined about it like a fourteen year old girl would. Why, I asked my wise cousin, do I have to put up with this? Why don't men have to deal with this pain?

It all seemed so unjust. She told me that men, even though they have the priesthood and have more leadership roles in church and everything, can never experience carrying and giving birth to a child. Giving birth to a child truly was the better calling.

I thought that was a line of BS fed to women to make them feel better about having to put up with all the pain and misery.

But now, I believe her.

I am helping God create life. I can feel her inside me every day. She kicks. She grows. She tickles me. I can see her move.

I am so curious about her. I can't wait to see what color of eyelashes she has. I want to know whether or not she has the same triangular mouth I had as an infant. I wonder if she'll be a calm baby, like my older brother, or scream constantly, like me. I wonder when she'll take her first steps and what her favorite foods will be. I wonder what kind of stories she'll want read to her and which of the kids in nursery she would be most like.

I am excited to meet her, but scared. I am scared of something going wrong. I am scared of not knowing how to comfort her. I am scared of not being the mother she deserves. I am scared, sometimes, but the fear is nothing compared to the joy.

I am overwhelmed knowing that God, through Nathaniel and me, created life. I love Nathaniel so much. I could not imagine a better person to be the father of my child. Sometimes I can’t believe we did this together. But then I remember that it's real, and I am so happy we did.