About having a little one on the way

I am currently 23 weeks pregnant. I have a little girl growing inside me. When I was fourteen, I visited the home of my cousin, Jana. Jana is one of the coolest people on earth, and is also about fifteen years my senior. When I visited, she had three children ranging from about eight to four years. During my stay, I got my period. Not for the first time, but it was still new enough that I had not been introduced to the miracle that is the Advil gelcap. I was miserable and I whined about it like a fourteen year old girl would. Why, I asked my wise cousin, do I have to put up with this? Why don't men have to deal with this pain?

It all seemed so unjust. She told me that men, even though they have the priesthood and have more leadership roles in church and everything, can never experience carrying and giving birth to a child. Giving birth to a child truly was the better calling.

I thought that was a line of BS fed to women to make them feel better about having to put up with all the pain and misery.

But now, I believe her.

I am helping God create life. I can feel her inside me every day. She kicks. She grows. She tickles me. I can see her move.

I am so curious about her. I can't wait to see what color of eyelashes she has. I want to know whether or not she has the same triangular mouth I had as an infant. I wonder if she'll be a calm baby, like my older brother, or scream constantly, like me. I wonder when she'll take her first steps and what her favorite foods will be. I wonder what kind of stories she'll want read to her and which of the kids in nursery she would be most like.

I am excited to meet her, but scared. I am scared of something going wrong. I am scared of not knowing how to comfort her. I am scared of not being the mother she deserves. I am scared, sometimes, but the fear is nothing compared to the joy.

I am overwhelmed knowing that God, through Nathaniel and me, created life. I love Nathaniel so much. I could not imagine a better person to be the father of my child. Sometimes I can’t believe we did this together. But then I remember that it's real, and I am so happy we did.