Saturday, December 20, 2008

There's a reason why this house is taking a year and a half to sell

School's out, and Nathaniel is working at his house, so I decided I wanted to be frivolous and dream about when we grow up and can get a house (that we can actually live in; not one 1.5 hours away from where we live). A house caught my eye, but as soon as I enlarged the picture I went from curious to unimpressed. I scanned through some of the pictures, and this bathroom caught my eye. Do you notice anything strange about it?

Yes, there's the blue marble counter top. And the fact that this is billed as a master bathroom in a half million dollar house and it looks about as big as the bathroom I hove now (excluding the tub). But is it just me, or is anyone else creeped out by a picture of Jesus directly over the bathtub? The Lord can probably see me when I bathe, but I really don't want a constant reminder of that fact.


Saturday, December 6, 2008


I hate blogging, I decided. I wanted to be all domestic and whatever, but it really sucks. If I have something interesting to write, most of the time I don't want the whole world seeing it. If I have cool pictures I want to post, I can't because Nathaniel puts all the pictures on his computer. And uploading them takes forever. Ugh. Maybe when I graduate...


Thursday, October 23, 2008

Vindicating Nathaniel

Re: post of Thursday, Oct. 9: As a matter of clarification, Nathaniel did not say anything mean to me. We had a discussion of universal health care and whether or not an individual has a right to health care. I decided no, we don't have a right to health care, because no one has an obligation to give it to me. A moral obligation, yes; a legal obligation, no.

My hormones got the best of me when I realized that meant that if I didn't have health insurance last year, and there was no way for me to get health care, I would have died. Luckily, Nathaniel was there to make it all better.

So you see? I have a very sweet husband.


Friday, October 17, 2008


So, today, lots of things happened.

1. Nathaniel got up early and woke me up.

2. I told him that his tie worked with his shirt.

3. I may have lied, I'm not sure.

4. I fell back asleep.

5. I woke up at 10:00.

6. I missed my class.

7. I read every blog I have ever heard of and more that I hadn't heard of.

8. I took a pill to stave of the morning sickness.

9. But you already knew that I'm pregnant, right? That I'm 10 weeks along, due May 16th?

10. I thought so.


Thursday, October 9, 2008


To me, this picture totally says, "Aw, look how sweet." Nathaniel was comforting me when I was upset about something he said having to do with me and Chron's disease. But at the same time, he was taking a picture of it. Clearly not focused 100% on me. Well, maybe he was - it did make me laugh, which is what I needed at the moment. And really, he is so sweet.


Monday, July 28, 2008

I love my mom

A couple weeks ago, my mom called me and told me that she had just gotten out of jail. I hadn't gotten this sort of call in years. I asked her what happened, and she told me she took two ambien, went to sleep, and woke up in jail. Today, mom went to her hearing where the police who put her in jail told the judge exactly what happened.

The police, hanging out in front of the station, were alerted to my mother's presence when they heard a loud crashing noise at five second intervals. My mother, in her huge boat of a car, was driving on the SIDEWALK across the street from the station, hitting the big cement flower pots as she went.

Let's hope she can keep her license.


Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Why I wish my knees were good enough to go running

I’d like to create a little word picture for the five people who read this blog. Picture me a class at 24 Hour Fitness, wearing a t-shirt and spandex shorts, bending over slightly, and attempting to mimic what the instructor has demonstrated. I’m holding a three-pound weight in each hand, trying to smoothly move them forward and back in a motion that is painfully similar to what I used to ignorantly do when seventh-grade perverts would ask me to try get my elbows to touch each other behind my back. My face is red and sweaty and my hair is sticking out in ways that would be impressive if only done intentionally. There is no denying it. I am a hot mess. But because everyone else in the room is a hot mess too, sweating like pigs and doing all sorts of ridiculous movements in pursuit of better bodies, I’m okay with that. I’m okay with it, that is, until the instructor, in an unfathomable attempt to get us more motivated, cries out into her little headset microphone: “Think about what you’re doing!”

Hmm, you want me to think about what I’m doing. What am I doing? I’m taking time out of my day (spending precious gas) to go to a place where I, along with ten others, will follow the instructions of somebody I don’t know. In front of all other members of the class as well as people looking in the ginormous window facing the parking lot, I squat down, jump, and turn directions, twenty times, trying to go as high as I can. I put a jump rope down on the floor and jump over it on one foot. I take some heavy things in my hands and lift up my arms in a Y shape while looking at myself in the mirror. I lie down on the floor and attempt to push my body up with my hands. All this makes me curse out in the instructor (in my head, but that doesn’t make it much better) and look like crap. And I’m paying money for it. I know what I’m doing. I’m acting insane.

In case any gym instructor ever stumbles on this blog, listen up: don’t let people think about what they’re really doing. Biking in place? That makes no sense. Punching at nothing while bouncing up and down? Are you serious? Lifting several pounds, only to put them right back down and lift them again? How did I convince myself that I needed to do this? If you need to motivate them, tell your students that their bodies will love them for working out. Tell them that they need to think about their muscles and flex them. Tell them that working out is incredibly useful because they’ll be in good shape for when they need to flee when the Basque army takes over. As long as you’re telling them what to think, you’re fine. Just don’t ever ask them to think for themselves. It inevitably leads to disaster.


Sunday, May 11, 2008

Fire! Fire!

We were having a barbecue, and Berkeley had the most amazing idea: build a fire! There is a little nook-ish corner of the yard near his parking lot, which made the perfect place. So Berk mowed:

Grant dug:

And a fire pit was born!

We roasted marshmallows, made s'mores, and told stories that can't be repeated here. It was a blast. Annie did get kind of confused about the purpose of the roasting sticks. She figured it out, but not before Nathaniel caught this picture:

More pictures:

I highly recommend others do the same.



Believe or not, Nathaniel and I went to Hawaii. Unfortunately, that moment in our lives will be poorly recorded for two reasons. The first is that neither of us wanted to take pictures. I think there was a total of ten. Here are a few of them:

The second reason is that I have a difficult time blogging. Luckily, Nathaniel immortalized my frustration:

Anyway, we had an amazing time there. Nathaniel's aunt and uncle teach at BYU Hawaii, so we stayed at their house. Their two daughters were kind enough to give us their beds. Also, didn't want to pay an extra 200 hundred dollars for the under-age fee for the rental car, so we just took the bus, which was great! We plan on making Hawaii a regular event. So maybe next time I'll get some better pictures.


Sunday, May 4, 2008

Nathaniel has a hobby

Nathaniel plays soccer. A lot. Behold his awesomeness.

Warming up:

Awkward, yet impressive, pose:

Playin' Ball:

Arguing about the outcome of the game:

Just kidding, he's happy. See?


Monday, March 24, 2008

Dorothy's favorite fashion junk:

Site name remains anonymous due to profanity:


A Scene From the Life of Beyonce:

(I suggest clicking on the picture to enlarge it)

BEYONCE: So what are you saying?

BEYONCE'S CONCERNED STAFF MEMBER: Those pants were in your dressing room for a reason.


BCSM: We TALKED about how you weren't going to wear hot pants any more. Remember?

BEYONCE: I would never have agreed to that. I'm the president of the American branch of the International Society for the Promotion of Short Shorts.

BCSM: I don't even think that exists.

BEYONCE: I can forward you the newsletter.

BCSM: Can you please just go change into something that doesn't make you look like you forgot to wear bottoms?

BEYONCE: I just don't think that's ever going to happen.

The fun girls are the best. If you want to know where this comes from, email Dorothy.


Sunday, March 23, 2008

Blue Bunny freaking rocks

Have you ever complained about a product before? I never had before a few weeks ago. My dad and mom are so anti complaining. But when I opened my blue bunny heath ice cream bar, I was pretty disappointed. The bar was basically devoid of toffee bits. Everyone (i.e., Rachel Williams), said I should write the company and complain, so I did. A week later, I received a letter in the mail:

Dear Ms. Ward,

Thank you for your Internet message concerning a recent purchase of the BLUE BUNNY Heath Ice Cream Bar, which you described as not containing many toffee bits in the chocolate.

Wow, they actually read my complaint.

I would like to reassure you that Wells' Dairy, Inc. is a responsible food manufacturer and we enforce strict quality control procedures so we can offer premium quality products to our customers.

Good thing they told me that. I was beginning to think Wells' Dairy was an irresponsible food manufacturer.

However, your description suggests that this particular bar may have been at the beginning of the production line run and the ingredient feeder was not fully operational, or may have jammed up, thus preventing the appropriate amount of ingredients from being added to the chocolate.

Ah ha, I see!

Therefore, we will discuss this incident at our weekly supervisors meeting and with the individual production personnel to reinforce the importance of monitoring this manufacturing step and maintaining our high quality standards.

You're going to discuss the toffee bit problem at the weekly supervisor's meeting AND with the individual production personnel? Are you going to line them up and wave my complaint in front of them and yell about the importance of toffee?

Ms. Ward, we appreciate you informing us of this incident so a recurrence can be prevented...I have enclosed a coupon, redeemable for a BLUE BUNNY product, to reimburse you for your purchase of this product, and any inconvenience that this may have caused you.

Good, cause those missing toffee bits were a big inconvenience!


And then "Jackie" actually signed her name.

While I definitely didn't take the incident as seriously as Jackie took it(and likely her fellow supervisors and those poor individual production personnel), my husband and I did appreciate the free ice cream. Blue Bunny is pretty cool.


Pop Quiz

Nathaniel and Dorothy

What is his name? Nathaniel George Ward
What is your name? Dorothy Allison Hatch Ward (Freak, what a name)
How long have you been married? Something like six months.
How long did you date? Um, four months, approximately.
How old is he? He's 24, today!
Who eats more? He does, but not by a lot.
Who said I love you first? Nathaniel totally pulled one on me and made me say it first. He asked what my definition of love is and then asked me if I could say that about him. What was I supposed to say? But I did love him then. That was a great night.
Who is taller? Nathaniel by five whole inches.
Who can sing better? That's close. We're both pretty good at singing hymns in church, and that's it.
Who does the laundry? Nathaniel.
Who pays the bills? Nathaniel, unless it's a hospital bill. Then my dad pays it.
Who sleeps on their right side? We both sleep on all sides.
Who mows the lawn? Well, we rent, so we don't know yet. However, I have never mowed a lawn in my life and I intend to keep it that way.
Who cooks dinner? If dinner is actually cooked, it's never Nathaniel's doing.
Who drives? Nathaniel. But I've been driving more lately.
Who is more stubborn? I think one of the things that attracted us to each other is how we both love a good debate and we love to argue with each other. So we're both stubborn, and we like it that way.
Who kissed who first? He totally kissed me first. I didn't mean to let him.
Who asked who out first? He asked me out first. I didn't know his name at that point.
Who proposed? Hard to say. Of course Nathaniel did the asking in the official proposal (at which point we already had the temple reserved), and he's the one who brought up marriage first, but I was the one who wanted to get married at the end of August. That was the middle of August, and we weren't engaged yet.
Who has more friends? Nathaniel. He has lived in the same place all his life, practically, so he still has his elementary school friends.
Who is more sensitive? Nathaniel says me. I don't know.
Who has more siblings? I always thought I had a lot of siblings until I met Nathaniel. There are nine kids in his family, and six in mine. So he wins.
Who wears the pants? Nathaniel. He's always laying the smackdown.


Saturday, January 26, 2008


So I felt like this yesterday:
Not only did someone steal my book from my car, but I got my car stuck in a ditch. Fortunately, I opened one of my carrel drawers and I located by book that I was sure someone had stolen, and my husband backed my car out of the ditch without a problem. But fake problems can be just as frustrating as real problems, don't you agree?


Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Nathaniel says...

I am not a pedophile who misses Ukraine. There's more to me than this but my wife for some reason doesn't want you to know who I really am.


Chron's Disease

I have Chron's disease. It's a chronic illness but rarely fatal, except in really old people. I am going to try to explain what it's like to have Chron's disease.

Usually, it's like this:
I really wish I had a picture of me jumping in the air and looking all happy, but this will do. Usually, I forget that I have Chron's disease and I lead a very normal life.

But sometimes, it just hurts. It's a pain that feels like popcorn is popping in my stomach. Sometimes it's not too bad, other times it kills and I can't do anything. Sometimes it lasts for ten seconds, sometimes for a few hours (not much longer because if it lasts for a few hours I usually take a pretty heavy-duty drug [steroids] to kill the pain).

Once, things went really wrong, and this happened:

Just kidding, that's my brother-in-law getting into his wife's stuff. This is what happened:

and this:

I look like death, I know. I feel so much better now. For the most part, better than I did before the surgery. But the scary thing about Chron's disease is that it doesn't go away. But, all I can do is to take care of myself and hope for the best.


So this is a blog...

When I came back to BYU from my mission at the beginning of 2006, a completely new word had entered everyone's vocabulary: blog. And here I am, just two and a half years later, starting one. I guess I should say we, because the only reason I'm doing this is because Nathaniel told me I should. I guess he wants to let his thousands of family members know what we're up to. The problem is that mid-semester, our lives are rather boring. There's school, work, school, dates on the weekend, school, trying to go snowboarding enough to get our money's worth out of our passes, school, and that's about it. But if anything exciting does happen, we'll write it here.