Henry's Birth Story
Okay, I have been a bad blogger. But you know what? There are worse things in life. I could be a bad neighbor. Or a bad diaper changer. Or a bad deodorant putter-on-er. Aren't you glad I'm just a bad blogger?
I wrote this less than a week after Henry was born, so the sentiments are kind of old. Why didn't I post it before? I don't know. I blame, um, life. Well, and honestly, I've become a bit more introverted. I now wonder why anyone would be interested in reading my birth story - really, it's not that interesting. But I loved reading others when I was pregnant, so here you go. Enjoy. Or not.
Having a baby has got to be the point in life with the highest
highs and the lowest lows, and not just because a mother’s hormones are a bit
out of whack. I’m elated and frustrated and excited and overwhelmed all at
once. Birth is the best of times and the worst of times in so many ways.
Anyway, here is Henry’s birth story. I’m on a good dose of Percocet so please
have low expectations.
First, for those who don’t remember, Summer was born by
c-section at 38 weeks. I was having major back pain, so I went to the hospital
and learned that she was blocking the path from my kidney to my bladder so I
had major hydronephrosis (enlarged kidney). I never even got close to going
into labor.
So with Henry, I really wanted a VBAC. I really wanted to go
into real labor, to feel a real contraction, to have that exciting moment when
you rush around getting everything ready for the hospital, saying goodbye to
your kid and letting her know that she’d be a big sister soon. I really wanted someone
to tell me I was dilating. I really wanted to push and have everyone tell me
that they believed in me and that I was doing a great job. I wanted to be one
of the first things the baby saw and felt, maybe even have the chance to look
into his eyes within minutes of being born and welcome him into the world.
But I have Crohn’s disease, and from what we can tell, labor
and Crohn’s don’t mix.
Two days before my due date, I went to the hospital with a
few labor symptoms, but mostly symptoms of a terrible Crohn’s flair. My stomach
felt like it did that one time I had a Crohn’s flare and almost died. So. Much.
Pain. And then I was having contractions, but at the hospital they checked me and
learned that the contractions weren’t actually making me dilate and seemed to
be exacerbating the Crohn’s symptoms. The nurse told me I wasn’t dilated at
all. “Well, Dr. Watabe said that I was a fingertip dilated at the six week
appointment.”
“Gee, that was nice of him,” she replied. She was funny.
After a while, I felt a little better, so we thought we
might just go home. But then I felt worse, so they sent us to the ER. No one
really knew what to do with me. They decided to perform a CT scan on me to
check for a bowl perforation. I felt okay with this – I mean, they do it all
the time on women who are 9 months pregnant. And then I didn’t feel okay with a
CT scan at all – all that radiation on my little baby?!? I called my dad, who
is also my favorite obstetrician and fellow Crohn’s disease sufferer. Although
he is very pro-VBAC, he said that he would do a c-section on me and then see
how my Crohn’s symptoms felt after that. So Nathaniel and I thought about it
and asked the ER doctor if that would be okay. It was sad to abandon my
unmedicated VBAC dreams, but I didn’t want the flare to get worse and the
contractions weren’t going away. The ER called the obstetrician on call, and a cesarean
was okay with her. She even came down to the ER at 2 in the morning
to chat with us and see about doing a c-section with my regular OB the next
morning.
Everything gets pretty fuzzy after that. I remember that
Nathaniel was very happy to have a bed to sleep on there. I remember feeling a
lot calmer the next morning when I saw Dr. Watabe, my OB, who was very happy
that I had decided to have a c-section instead of waiting to see how things
played out with the Crohn’s. I remember getting in serious trouble when I had
Nathaniel sneak me a mint before we went to the OR. I remember the blue sheet
going up and wondering, under the glare of all the lights and white sterility,
if this was all a mistake – if my dream birth would have been possible if we
had just waited another day.
I have already forgotten a lot about this little guy’s
birth, but one image I hope I’ll never forget is the look on Nathaniel’s face
after the baby cried for the first time. At that point nothing mattered. We had
a son and everything was perfect. I was in heaven.
When Summer was born, I just saw her for a brief moment
before Nathaniel carried her away. This time, Nathaniel brought her to me and I
got to feel him and nuzzle him and just be with him. We weren’t rushed. We were
just together. That little bit of touch made all the pain I felt, all the pain
I was going to feel, all the morning sickness and the fatigue and everything so
worth it.
After Nathaniel and Henry went to the nursery, the surgeon
checked out my intestines and I’m happy to report that they looked great! Then
I went into recovery, which is basically just where I sat with Annette, my
mother-in-law, while we waited for a convenient time for them to take me
downstairs to my baby. I was not pleased with this part of the experience. An
hour of separation was really unnecessary.
Henry wasn’t too pleased either, because apparently he had
just been crying and fussing in the nursery the whole time we waited. Finally
we got to be together and he seemed a lot happier. I immediately took off the
blanket and the stuff they had him in and nursed him. You guys, why didn’t
anyone tell me breastfeeding was so much easier the second time around? He did
amazing! The bummer was that he was awake-ish after birth for over an hour, but
then he nursed and decided he was ready for a nap, totally thwarting my plan to
stare dreamily into his eyes forever. “He is content now that he’s with you,”
Nathaniel said. Okay, no dreamy eye stares, but that was nice.
So for a while, we just sat there, the three of us, in awe
at the newness of it all. I didn’t think it could get any better but a few
hours later Summer joined us. The first thing she did was ask if she could kiss
him, and since them has showered this guy with little bits of love. She always
wants to look at his tiny little feet and touch his tiny little head. She is an
amazing big sister.
I wouldn’t recommend a c-section. I am very disappointed I
didn’t get to experience the birth I’d been visualizing and hoping for. I wish
those first few hours with Henry weren’t mostly lost to a drug-induced
haze. I wish I had the opportunity to
deal with the pain of childbirth before the baby came, instead of having to
cope with it along with a newborn. I wish I could know what normal labor feels
like, rather than having another “I went to the hospital with excruciating
abnormal pain and got a c-section” experience.
But mostly, I was hoping an unmedicated birth, or even just
a VBAC, would help restore my faith in my body. Having Crohn’s disease makes me
feel a bit like my body is broken. Well, my immune system attacks my digestive system
on occasion so I guess my body really is broken. Without modern medicine I
would certainly be dead. I thought that maybe birth would be the chance to
witness what amazing things my body could do on its own. But once again, my
body couldn’t do it and medical intervention was necessary (probably). It’s so
discouraging to know that, for the second time, I was laughably far away from
an unmedicated birth.
When I was almost out of the hospital, a nurse re-checked
the incision. “It looks great!” she said merrily. “You know, when you came in here
everyone thought you were going to hemorrhage because of your red hair.”
“Really?” I asked.
“Yeah. Red-heads always bleed more. So good job!”
I know this is just a silly anecdotal observation but I take
heart in it. My body might be defective in some ways, but in other ways it
rocks. Not only have both c-section incisions stayed closed, but I had the
nurses remove my catheter the same day I had the c-section. (For those who are
unaware, getting up to go to the bathroom after a major abdominal surgery is excruciating,
so most prefer to keep the catheter in longer. I am the valedvictorian of
catheter removal!!) After three major abdominal surgeries (one bowl resection and
two c-sections) I might have a really scarred stomach but I am a champion
healer. Plus, you know, I can get pregnant. So I am very grateful.
And overall, the birth experience was great. The doctors and
nurses were wonderful, like the anesthesiologist who held my arm and told me what
was happening when the surgeon was checking out my innards. I got to see my daughter
become a big sister, giving him little kisses and always asking me how he is
doing. Nathaniel has been an exemplary husband, taking care of literally
everything except breastfeeding so I can recuperate as quickly as possible. And
we got a baby, who is really amazing to cuddle and, knock on wood, easy so far.
Maybe it was just the spinal, but the birth itself was so amazing that
immediately after Henry was born I thought to myself that I wanted to have that
experience again and again and again.
Anyway, recovery is no fun but we are all so happy Henry is
here.
9 comments:
Congratulations on your precious little boy! Thanks for sharing your birth story. It was very insightful and got me thinking a lot. I think your body works better than many... as you mentioned in your blog, many women can't even have children. We are so happy for you and your sweet family!
Congrats, and thanks for sharing your birth story. I love reading other's birth stories. I had both my kids c-section too, and I agree nursing the second baby was much easier! You are amazing! I miss you!
I am thrilled that you shared this...gets me emotional for sure. I am amazed at how spiritual of an experience birth really is and I imagine that's one of the reasons I love reading others' stories so much. Henry is very cute. And I can just imagine Summer with him; I hope you're taking lots of videos. :)
I've also had nurses comment about blood-related things to me although I never considered myself a redhead!
Love you and congrats!
So, so happy for you guys and your new little guy!
I loved this.
Thanks so much for sharing, Dorothy! I'm so sorry about the Chron's flareup but loved your description of the first few moments!! Ineffably beautiful. Congratulations!
You are amazing, Dorothy! I cannot imagine going through pregnancies and deliveries that are as rough as yours and I am positive I complain 100 times more. I am so thrilled that Henry arrived healthy and that both of you are ok.
I love birth stories. And I love that you are the valedictorian of catheter removal -- best phrase ever.
Congratulations and thanks for sharing your birth story. I totally understand the desire to have a VBAC and remember feeling the strangest sense of loss that I might never have a regular birth experience, but then later finding out I have a PFO and a regular birth experience could have ended with a stroke. Our bodies are amazing, even if they need a little help from medical advances. I think it's such a blessing to be able to have children and hold those new little ones and wonder about the lives they'll have. I'm so happy for you and can't wait to see more pictures!
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