My wife is trying to kill me...

I'm starving...almost dead. Why, you ask? Because my wife is starving me to death. Here's the story:

I was in the middle of wasting time on the computer by looking at some blogs and improving my facebook-me by making nice comments on other peoples' statuses when I noticed my hands were shaking. No, it wasn't because I was nervous my facebook-friends wouldn't like the comments I was making (they always love them)...it was because my body does not have enough food in it. Now you want to know why the heck my body doesn't have enough food in it....well so did I! As I stared at my shaking hands I thought, "wow, I'm really hungry." Thankfully (and contrary to my wife's diabolical plan) that thought persisted and I did something about it (well, honestly I haven't yet eaten but I'm going to right after I post this). I'm pretty sure that my wife was hoping that I would never make myself food and I would slowly die of starvation. No, I have no idea why she would want to kill me, I'm perfect in every way. But that's beside the point. Here's how she was trying to kill me:

Step 1) Make food for Nathaniel on a regular basis.
Step 2) Make food for Nathaniel so often that he never makes food for himself.
Step 3) Make Nathaniel absolutely dependent on the food that I make him.
Step 4) Stop making food for Nathaniel
Step 5) Hope that Nathaniel has forgotten what hunger feels like so that when it hits him he won't respond by making his own food but will die instead.

I thwarted her plan on step 5 (again, technically I'll thwart it by eating as soon as I'm done typing this post with my shaky hands). I will live another day, wife! Better luck with your next evil plot.

The End.

Update:

Yes, I love to use parentheticals and yes, my wife is making me food while I'm typing this...does this mean she thinks her plan might still work?