Pride and Shame

Things that make me feel foolish:

• Yesterday I got really frustrated with Summer. I recently heard someone say that she believes in slamming the door when she's angry because it makes her feel better. I was in the kitchen, so I slammed the oven door and somehow smashed my pinky finger. Yep, it hurt and I was mad. Then I remembered a New York Times article about how swearing makes women (but not men) feel better. So I swore. Intentionally. For the first time since tenth grade (12 years ago, if you're curious). Hopefully it'll be the last time, too. My finger felt better, but probably just because my idiocy was distracting me from the pain. 
• Today, after working up a sweat in the gym, I went over to the spot on the floor where my stuff was, picked up my hoodie, and pulled it over my (sweaty) face. Only, it felt really big and unusually soft. Yeah, not my hoodie. I really hope it didn't belong to the guy who gave me a funny look as I rapidly gathered up my things and left.
• Here is a list of things I've left on top of my car prior to driving: a cinnamon roll, a cup of water, a large stack of important papers, a set of keys, and Summer. Just kidding about Summer. But I did drop her when I slipped on black ice the other day. Still waiting for that maternal protective instinct to kick in.

Things that make me feel awesome:

• I'm sticking to our food budget. It's weekly instead of monthly now, so the plan is to do the bulk of the shopping at Winco once a week and fill in the gaps here and there (especially with Buy-Low's Wednesday produce). It helps that Winco is so far away, and that the people who shop at those stores usually look at least as frumpy as I do (I don't know why that helps, but it does). It's only been three weeks, but I think this is a plan I can actually stick to. Unlike couponing, which makes me want to crawl under the bed and never come out.
• I have drastically lowered expectations. Yeah, I've heard a million times that if I'm just doing the best I can, I'm doing all right. I guess I just need reminders that even though I can't do a full Insanity work-out, if I just do the warm-up, that's awesome! If I don't feel like cleaning the entire house but I do the dishes, go me! I'll might never be as skinny as Shakira, but if I make a batch of cinnamon rolls and I avoid eating them all myself, that's a victory!
• I think I'm less judgey than I used to be. In church last Sunday our awesome Stake Relief Society president gave a lesson about garments. One girl raised her hand and asked about all those girls who wore leggings under short skirts and whether or not that was that okay. Sister Hicks said that that was something that was a personal matter and every woman just had to figure it out for herself.* She added, "Everyone does different things. If you see people doing something that you would do differently, don't judge them. They are good and righteous and daughters of God." It was the only time she got sort of stern. I can remember my first years at BYU, and I would look at others' clothing choices and decide that they were wrong - too tight, too low cut, too sheer, etc. It's hard to love others when you can't stop condemning their clothes. I'm sure I still judge based on appearance, but I'm much more interested now in what people are feeling and thinking and doing. 

*The honor code says differently, I know. I pretty much hate BYU's honor code. The dress and grooming part of it. Another blog post for another day.